Turning down a ride with an impaired driver: what to say and do

How to spot an impaired driver, say no without a fight and get home another way

Safety Behind the Wheel Foundationdrivewithcare.org

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For every driver5 min read

Impaired drivingTeen drivers and parentsPassengersCommunication scriptsFamily and caregivers

It is late. Your friend says they are “fine to drive.” You are not so sure. Saying no can feel awkward, rude or even impossible, especially if it is your only way home or the driver is a parent, a boss or a date. But riding with an impaired driver is one of the most dangerous choices a passenger can make.

In 2024, 11,904 people were killed in crashes involving a driver with a blood alcohol level of 0.08 or higher. That was about 30 percent of all U.S. traffic deaths [1]. Among children 14 and younger who died in traffic crashes that year, 21 percent died in alcohol impaired crashes [1]. This guide gives you the words and the plan to say no.

Signs a driver may be impaired

You do not need a breath test to make a smart choice. Watch for:

  • Drinking or using drugs, including marijuana, in the past few hours
  • Slurred speech, stumbling or slow reactions
  • Strong smell of alcohol or marijuana
  • Unusual behavior, such as being overly loud, angry or sleepy
  • Taking medicine that warns against driving
  • Insisting they are “fine” after drinking

If you have to ask yourself whether the driver is okay to drive, the answer is no.

Plan before you go

The easiest time to avoid a bad ride is before the night starts.

  • Decide how you will get home before you leave
  • Choose a sober designated driver who agrees not to drink or use drugs at all
  • Save numbers for a taxi, a rideshare app and a person who can pick you up
  • Keep enough money or a payment card to get home on your own
  • Charge your phone

What to say

Short, calm statements work best. Do not lecture. Try:

  • “I’m good, I’ll grab a ride.”
  • “I already called someone to get me.”
  • “Let’s both take a ride and come back for the car tomorrow.”
  • “I’m not comfortable riding tonight. No big deal.”
  • “Can I drive?” (only if you are sober, licensed and insured)

If the person pushes back, repeat the same sentence. You do not owe a long explanation.

Help the driver, too

If it is safe, try to keep the impaired person from driving:

  • Offer to call them a ride or let them stay over
  • Ask for their keys, calmly and privately
  • Ask a friend they trust to help
  • If they drive away and pose an immediate danger, call 911 with the car’s description, plate and direction

Do not put yourself in physical danger to stop someone.

For teens and families

Teens face extra pressure and fewer options. In a 2021 national survey, 14.1 percent of high school students said they had ridden in the past month with a driver who had been drinking [2].

Set up a code word. Agree on a word or emoji a teen can text a parent. The parent then calls with an “emergency” that requires the teen to come home and picks them up. The teen can leave without losing face. Some families call this an “X plan.”

Make a no questions asked promise. Tell your teen you will pick them up anytime, anywhere, with no punishment for asking. You can talk about it calmly the next day. The goal is that they never get in that car.

Talk about passengers, too. Teen drivers with teen passengers face higher risk even when everyone is sober. A AAA Foundation study looked at drivers who were 16 or 17. Their risk of being killed rose 44 percent with one passenger under 21, doubled with two and quadrupled with three or more [3].

Warning: Marijuana, many prescription drugs and some over the counter medicines can impair driving. A driver does not have to be drunk to be dangerous.

If you are already in the car

  • Ask the driver to pull over and let you out in a safe, public place
  • Say you feel sick and need to stop
  • Buckle up and stay buckled
  • Call or text someone your location
  • If the driving becomes dangerous, call 911

Checklist: my safe ride plan

Checklist from Safety Behind the Wheel Foundation

  • I know how I am getting home before I go out
  • I have a backup: a rideshare app, a taxi number and a person to call
  • I have money or a card to pay for a ride
  • My phone is charged
  • I know my family’s code word
  • I will not ride with anyone who has been drinking or using drugs

Frequently asked questions

What if the impaired driver is my parent?

That is very hard. If you are a minor and feel unsafe, call another trusted adult, a friend’s parent or 911. You can talk to a school counselor afterward.

Is it rude to refuse a ride?

No. Refusing protects you, the driver and everyone else on the road. Most people later appreciate it.

Can a passenger get in trouble for riding with a drunk driver?

Usually not. But passengers can be hurt or killed, and some insurance claims become complicated. The safest choice is not to ride.

Sources and further reading

  1. 1National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. “Traffic Safety Facts 2024 Data: Alcohol-Impaired Driving” (DOT HS 813 815). June 2026. rosap.ntl.bts.gov/view/dot/91903
  2. 2New Jersey Department of Education. “2023 New Jersey Student Health Survey: Vehicle Safety” (citing national YRBS data). nj.gov/…/2023VehicleSafety.pdf
  3. 3AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety. “Teen Driver Risk in Relation to Age and Number of Passengers.” 2012. aaafoundation.org/…/teendriverriskagepassengers…

This article reflects the safety priorities of impaired driving prevention and passenger safety. It is general education, not legal advice. Call 911 if someone is in immediate danger. Reviewed November 2026.

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