How to explain memory difficulties at work without feeling embarrassed

Scripts for your boss, coworkers and HR, and how to ask for support in writing

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For survivors and families15 min read

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You missed a step in a task you know by heart, or your boss asked about a call you cannot recall. Your face gets hot, and you worry that people think you do not care.

After a brain injury, memory problems can show up at work as missed details, lost messages and forgotten deadlines [3]. Nobody can see them, which makes them hard to explain. It is tempting to stay quiet and work twice as hard to cover the gaps, but that often adds stress and leads to more slips.

This article gives you words you can use, starting with scripts for your boss, your coworkers and HR. You will also find two email templates and the basic steps for a formal request under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). It is general information, not legal advice. For a wider list of work supports, see our guide to memory problems at work.

Decide what you want people to know

Before you say anything, decide what you want to share. In most cases you do not have to tell your boss or coworkers your diagnosis just because they ask [1]. Whether to share, and how much, is your choice each time [7].

There are exceptions, though. If your employer has objective evidence that a medical problem is affecting your work or safety, it may ask for job related medical information [8]. Some jobs, such as commercial driving, have their own medical rules.

A helpful test is “need to know.” Most people at work do not need your diagnosis. They need to know what works when they hand you information. That might be “please send it in an email” or “give me a second to write that down.”

Once you share health details, you cannot control where they go next [1]. Some survivors tell only their direct manager, while others are open with the whole team, and both are fair choices.

If you ask for a formal accommodation, your employer will learn a bit more. Even then, the law limits what it can ask for and who it can tell [5].

Comparison compiled by Safety Behind the Wheel Foundation

Who needs to know what at work

PersonWhat they usually need to hearWhat you can keep private
Your direct managerThat written instructions and recaps help you, and what you do to stay on trackYour diagnosis, how the crash happened, other health issues
CoworkersHow to pass tasks to you (“email me, please”)Nearly everything else
HR or the accommodation contactThat a medical condition affects your memory at work, and the change you wantYour full medical record and conditions unrelated to the request
Clients or customersUsually nothingYour health
A job coach or VR counselorYour real daily struggles, so they can helpWhatever you choose

Sources: [1, 2, 5].

Build a short, calm explanation

Most people do better with a short, plain answer than with the whole story [1]. A good script has three parts:

  1. What happens, in everyday words. “Since my injury, new information does not always stick.”
  2. What helps. “Written instructions and a quick recap make a big difference.”
  3. What you are doing. “I keep a notebook and a task list, and I check them all day.”

The third part shows that you are handling the problem, so the talk turns to how you work best instead of what went wrong.

Leave the medical words out unless you want them in. For most people, “memory trouble since my car crash” is plenty, and you never need to explain scans or tests.

Practice out loud first, with a friend, a family member or the mirror. Write down the questions you dread, such as “Can you still do this job?”, and plan an answer for each one [1]. When the words are ready, the moment feels less hot.

Scripts for your manager

Pick a calm time, not right after a mistake, and ask for 15 minutes in private. Bring a note card with your three points so you do not lose your place.

The first talk

“Thanks for meeting with me. Since my injury, I have some trouble holding onto new information, mostly when it comes fast or in a busy meeting. Once I have a task down, I do it well. What helps most is getting instructions in writing and checking back with a short recap. I use a planner and a task list every day. Could we try that for the next month and see how it goes?”

Asking for instructions in writing

“Could you send me that in an email? I want to get every step right.”

“Do you mind if I write this down while you talk? Then I will read it back to you.”

Repeating instructions back and getting them in writing are two of the most common memory supports at work [3, 4].

When you forget something you were told

“I do not have that in my notes, so I may have missed it. Can you walk me through it once more? I will add it to my list right now.”

That answer admits the gap and fixes it without a long apology.

When your manager is frustrated by a repeat

“You are right, and I am sorry to ask again. This is the kind of detail my memory drops. If you can send it in writing, I will keep it in my file so I do not have to ask a third time.”

Asking for a regular check in

“Could we have a 10 minute check in on Monday mornings? I will bring my task list, and you can tell me if I have the priorities right.”

A change in the way a supervisor shares information can count as an accommodation if you ever need it formally [5]. Many managers agree to small habits like these without any formal request.

Scripts for coworkers

Coworkers rarely need much, and a light, matter of fact tone tells them this is no big deal.

“I write everything down these days. Could you email me that so I do not lose it?”

“Can I come find you in five minutes? I want to finish this step so I do not lose my place.”

“I had a head injury a while back, and my short term memory is not what it was. Notes are my best friend now.”

If someone pushes for details you do not want to share, have one or two set phrases ready [1]. You might say, “Thanks for asking. I would rather not get into it, but I am doing fine.” Then change the subject.

Your employer should not tell coworkers about your health or about any accommodation you have. If someone asks why you get tasks by email, your employer can say it helps anyone who struggles at work and respects privacy [5]. You are free to share more yourself if you want to.

Use email to make written instructions normal

The easiest way to get things in writing is to do the writing yourself. After a meeting or a spoken request, send a short recap. Most managers welcome this because it catches mix ups early.

Recap email template

Subject: Recap of today’s 2 p.m. meeting

Hi [name], here is what I took away from our meeting. Please let me know if I missed anything.

  1. Finish the monthly report by Thursday at noon.
  2. Call the supplier about the late order.
  3. Send you the draft schedule on Friday.

Thanks, [your name]

Save every recap in one folder. Over the months, that folder turns into your own job manual and a record that you follow through.

JAN lists other simple memory supports, such as meeting notes, checklists, deadline reminders, a photo directory of coworkers and extra training time [4]. Pick the one or two that would help you most. If interruptions are part of the problem, our guide on doing one thing at a time may help.

When to make it a formal request

Sometimes simple habits are not enough. You may need a set schedule, a quieter desk, a job coach or a change in duties. That is when a formal request for a reasonable accommodation makes sense.

The ADA covers employers with 15 or more workers [9]. Federal employees are covered by a similar law, the Rehabilitation Act [9]. Many states also have their own disability rights laws [7]. If your workplace is smaller, ask your state’s civil rights or labor office what applies.

Many changes cost very little. Among employers who shared cost details with JAN from 2019 to 2024, 61 percent said the change they made cost nothing [10]. When there was a one time cost, the middle figure was about $300 [10].

The steps below follow EEOC and JAN guidance.

  1. Ask in plain words. Tell your manager or HR that you need a change at work because of a medical condition. You do not have to say “ADA” or “reasonable accommodation” [5]. A family member or health care provider can also ask for you [5].
  2. Put it in writing. A spoken request counts, but an email gives you a record of when you asked and what you said [6, 2].
  3. Ask early. If you can, ask before mistakes pile up, because an employer does not have to undo discipline for problems that came before your request [11, 6].
  4. Talk it through. Your employer should work with you to find a change that works, a back and forth called the interactive process [5].
  5. Share limited medical facts if asked. If your need is not obvious, your employer can ask for a note from your provider. The note should cover your condition and why you need the change, not your whole record [5, 2].
  6. Stay open to other ideas. If more than one change would work, your employer should weigh your choice, but it makes the final call [5].
  7. Follow up. Employers should answer promptly, and needless delays can break the rules [5]. If you hear nothing in a week or two, send a polite reminder.

Formal request email template

Subject: Request for a change at work for a medical condition

Hi [name],

I am writing to ask for a change at work because of a medical condition. Since my brain injury, I have trouble remembering spoken instructions and keeping track of deadlines.

These changes would help me do my job well:

  1. Written instructions for new tasks, or a recap email that I can confirm.
  2. A 10 minute weekly check in to review my priorities.
  3. Permission to record training sessions for my own review.

I am open to other ideas that would work. If you need a note from my health care provider, please tell me what it should cover. Could we meet in the next two weeks?

Thank you, [your name and job title]

Keep a simple paper trail

Good records protect you if something goes wrong. They also spare your memory, since you will not have to recall who said what.

Checklist from Safety Behind the Wheel Foundation

Your work records checklist

  • Save a copy of every request you send, with the date
  • After each meeting about your needs, write down the date, time and who was there
  • Keep every reply from your employer, even short ones
  • Keep copies of any provider notes you hand in
  • Save your recap emails in one folder
  • Write down any change you were promised and the date it started
  • Keep your own copies of requests and replies at home, in case you lose access to work email

If your request is turned down, ask why in writing. If the gap is missing medical information, you can send more. If the employer says your idea is too hard or costly, suggest a different one [6]. You can also go up the chain, file a union grievance if you have a union, or contact the EEOC [6]. If you are punished for asking, report it to someone higher up or to the EEOC right away [6].

Time limits apply. In most cases you have 180 calendar days from the problem to file a charge with the EEOC [12]. The limit grows to 300 days where a state or local agency enforces its own law against this kind of bias [12]. An internal or union grievance usually does not pause that clock [12]. Federal workers follow a different process with a much shorter first deadline [12, 9]. If you think your rights were broken, contact the EEOC or an employment lawyer soon.

Easing the embarrassment

Embarrassment often comes from a fear that people will see you as lazy or careless. A memory problem after an injury is neither, and the tools you use for it work like glasses do for weak eyes.

These habits can take some of the sting out:

  • Stop saying sorry over and over. One “let me check my notes” is enough before you fix it.
  • Keep your tools in plain sight. A planner on your desk tells people you are organized.
  • Keep a short list of your wins at work and read it on hard days.
  • Practice your words with other survivors in a brain injury support group [1].

A vocational rehabilitation (VR) counselor can help you decide what to share and practice how to say it [7]. Every state has a VR agency, and services can include job coaching, training and help with keeping a job [7]. Your doctor, therapist or social worker can refer you, or you can contact your state agency directly. Veterans can also ask the VA about its Veteran Readiness and Employment program [7].

The Job Accommodation Network (JAN) gives free, private advice about job changes and the ADA. You can call it at (800) 526-7234 [4].

If your memory seems to be getting worse instead of holding steady, tell your doctor soon. Sudden confusion, new weakness or numbness, trouble speaking, a seizure, or a severe or worsening headache means call 911 or go to the emergency room right away. Our red flag checklist lists the warning signs.

If work stress is wearing down your mood

Depression is common after a brain injury, and it can be treated [13]. Tell your doctor how you feel. If thoughts of suicide or self harm come up, reach out right away. Dial or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, and use 911 in an emergency [13].

Questions to ask your care team or VR counselor

Question checklist from Safety Behind the Wheel Foundation

  1. How would you describe my memory problems in plain words I could use at work?
  2. Which parts of my job are likely to be hardest right now, and why?
  3. Would shorter days, a slow return or more breaks help me, and can you put that on a return to work form? [7]
  4. If I ask for a formal accommodation, what can you write in a note, and how soon?
  5. Can you refer me to my state vocational rehabilitation agency or a job coach?
  6. Could a therapist help me practice my work scripts and set up my memory tools at work?
  7. What changes in my memory should make me call you right away?

Frequently asked questions

Do I have to tell my employer about my brain injury?

In most cases, no [1]. But if your employer has objective evidence that a medical problem is affecting your work or safety, it may ask for job related medical information [8]. Some jobs, such as commercial driving, have their own medical rules. If you want a formal accommodation, you will need to say that a medical condition is behind the request [2].

Can my boss tell my coworkers about my accommodation?

Generally, no. The ADA limits who can learn about your medical information, and that includes the fact that you have an accommodation [5]. You can choose to tell coworkers yourself.

Do I have to use the words “reasonable accommodation”?

No. Plain words such as “I need a change at work because of a medical condition” are enough [5]. Sending the request by email is still wise because it creates a record.

Can my employer ask for my medical records?

Not your whole record. If your need is not obvious, your employer can ask for limited information about your condition and why you need the change [5, 2].

What if I already got a warning for mistakes?

You can still ask, and your employer should consider your request. It does not have to erase the warning, though, so ask as soon as you can [11].

Is memory loss after a brain injury covered by the ADA?

It can be. The ADA protects people whose condition substantially limits a major life activity, and a 2008 law made that test easier to meet [7, 9]. Whether you are covered depends on your situation, so ask JAN or the EEOC about your case.

The bottom line

Recommendation from Safety Behind the Wheel Foundation

Decide what you want to share, keep it short and focus on what helps you work well. Make written instructions and recap emails part of your normal routine. If you need more, ask early and in writing, keep copies of everything, and get free help from JAN or your state VR agency.

Sources and further reading

  1. 1Model Systems Knowledge Translation Center. “Talking to People About Your Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI).” MSKTC TBI factsheet (University of Washington TBI Model System copy), 2024. tbi.washington.edu/…/Talking-To-People-TBI-508.pdf
  2. 2Job Accommodation Network. “Insights on the Americans with Disabilities Act: Questions & Answers for Workers.” JAN, U.S. Department of Labor Office of Disability Employment Policy, accessed 2026. askjan.org/…/Insights-on-the-Americans-wi…
  3. 3Model Systems Knowledge Translation Center and American Institutes for Research. “TBI and Work Tipsheet: Memory.” MSKTC, 2026. air.org/…/TBI-Work-Tipsheet-Memory-508…
  4. 4Job Accommodation Network. “Accommodation and Compliance: Memory Loss.” JAN, accessed 2026. askjan.org/…/Memory-Loss.cfm
  5. 5U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. “Enforcement Guidance on Reasonable Accommodation and Undue Hardship under the ADA.” EEOC, 2002. eeoc.gov/…/enforcement-guidance-reasona…
  6. 6Job Accommodation Network. “Employees’ Practical Guide to Requesting and Negotiating Reasonable Accommodations Under the ADA: Requesting Accommodations.” JAN, accessed 2026. askjan.org/…/IIRequest.htm
  7. 7Cotner BA, O’Neil-Pirozzi TM, Ratcliffe L, Johnstone B. “Employment After Traumatic Brain Injury.” MSKTC TBI factsheet (University of Washington TBI Model System copy), 2025. tbi.washington.edu/…/2025_Employment-After-TBI-50…
  8. 8U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. “Enforcement Guidance: Disability-Related Inquiries and Medical Examinations of Employees Under the ADA.” EEOC, 2000. eeoc.gov/…/enforcement-guidance-disabil…
  9. 9U.S. Department of Justice, Civil Rights Division. “Guide to Disability Rights Laws.” ADA.gov, 2020. ada.gov/…/disability-rights-guide
  10. 10Job Accommodation Network. “Cost and Benefits of Accommodations: Low Cost, High Impact Report.” JAN, 2025. askjan.org/…/costs.cfm
  11. 11U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. “Applying Performance and Conduct Standards to Employees with Disabilities.” EEOC, 2008. eeoc.gov/…/applying-performance-and-con…
  12. 12U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. “Time Limits For Filing A Charge.” EEOC, accessed 2026. eeoc.gov/time-limits-filing-charge
  13. 13Bombardier C, Hart T. “Depression After Traumatic Brain Injury.” MSKTC TBI factsheet (University of Washington TBI Model System copy), 2025. tbi.washington.edu/…/2025_Depression-After-TBI-50…

This article reflects the safety priorities of vocational rehabilitation and employment law. It is general education, not medical or legal advice. Check with your care team and official sources, such as the EEOC and the Job Accommodation Network, about your own situation. Reviewed October 2026.

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